Give me a sign

Well the secrecy has gone out of the window as I asked my husband to set me up another blog (this time I really am going to use it), and this one popped up. Good job I hadn't ever got round to saying anything sensitive!

My other blog will only contain the positive aspects of my creative life, whilst this will be more general and at times, not positive at all.

I finished a degree last year in Fine Art and Photography (First Class Honours), and have been in a stew ever since about the direction in which to go. I had gone primarily to study photography, but have had a lifetime of experience in the arts in general. The confusion and tormented dialogue that has been raging in my head has resulted in a torpor that mimics wallpaper paste. I have produced very little either photographically or fine art/craft.

One of the most dreaded questions toward the end of my degree and for the months that followed was ''What are you going to do now/are doing now?". I simply didn't know. The best answer was said for me by my Mum -"recovering!". I have been used to having to make things in an attempt to make money. Therefore what I made was dictated by my customer base. Sure I made things I liked, but ultimately the criteria was- will it sell?

Now here I was with a new set of values handed to me during my time at uni. Did I buy into them? Did I make work for me, true to my concepts and artistic vision. Should I aim now to think myself Artist as apposed to artisan? Whenever I thought of which direction to go I would have visions of different people, lecturers, fellow artists, family and friends and their expectations (or imagined expectations). I knew this was not the way to think but in reality they represented my own fractured outlook on my creative future.

A few months ago I put on an exhibition in our local library. This showed the element of schizophrenia present- Fine Art prints from work made for my degree and general 'crowd pleaser' prints, shown alongside a selection of traditionally hand bound books. I am determined to snap out of 'it' and get going. What with? It doesn't matter. Anything, as long as I begin to make and create agin on a day to day basis. Today I made a giant stride in this direction with a slightly pathetic paper bird (see Tilly Dance blog). I switched off my computer, left the magazine unread and MADE something. It wasn't original and has nothing what so ever to do with anything I intend to do myself, but maybe that was why I was able to do it.

My intention is to begin to make up some of the ideas I have for books (having only made blank journals/sketchbooks so far). Staying away from Facebook and the evil Bejeweled Blitz may be the first step.